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Hello, summer (a journal entry)

It’s my first official day of “summer”, as in my first day of summer break from school. I believe at this time last year, I went to a show for a band I loved a long time ago, I had a barbeque party for my older sister’s graduation with family and friends, I spent a day in Great Falls, Virginia, and I invited my friends to stay the night before I left for vacation. Since we had that perfect summer weather, we slept in the screened-in porch on the couches there, waking up at 7am to the sun beating down on our bodies swathed in white sheets. Yesterday, I stayed in bed practically all day, except for when I had to assist some repairmen who came by this morning, and when I went to walk my dog. I have a terrible habit of not letting myself rest, in fear of feeling too unproductive or too “pathetic.” The weather was sunless and dreary- not exactly how I pictured my first day of summer. I wanted to be doing something spontaneous yesterday; I wanted the sort of day that’s so unplanned and so careless that it’s perfect. I didn’t really get that. Next week is supposed to look pretty much like today, just maybe a little more violent in terms of gloominess. The changing of seasons makes me nostalgic as hell. This morning I woke up around 7am, which isn’t too common for me if I have the option to sleep in, and I was instantly overwhelmed with memories of waking up in our old Minnesota house to the sound of Full House on the television downstairs accompanied by the smell of breakfast in the kitchen. I feel like I should be making goals and plans for the summer, but that’s too similar to the whole concept of New Year’s Resolutions (that no one ever follows anyways.) I’m a little worried since Summer’s always leaving without me. Just when I get used to its rhythm, I’m knocked out of my peace into something else foreign and new to me. Time to wait and see what happens.

 

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